Looking Back Before Walking Away
by Dhanistha Devi Dasi
Posted February 27, 2003


Dear Chakra,

Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada.

In response to so much whirlwinds around women, ashrams, and the third gender subject, I am inclined and relieved now to step away from the bantering so as to continue my little work here and in so doing wish everyone well. Especially all the best to that new Vaisnavi Asraya grassroots project sounds great doesn't it! It sounds like a perfect spiritual project for those Vaisnavis who are towing the line of Vaisnava protocol and highest standards. Lord Krishna is always blessing those special souls who are so sincere and capable.

For the rest of us like me, who admittedly don't live up to such high-ness or standard-ness, somehow or other we continue steeped in love solely by God's grace. And even though we make plenty of mistakes along the way, there is an ever-present awareness of grace (especially sometimes during the most miniscule of daily routines, such as feeding wild birds and deer in the temple yard or breaking ground for spring gardens) when realizations come in simple, small and gentle things noticeably lacking any hint of politics or claims of hierarchy.

There is and always has been - despite any select public opinion to the contrary - a continuous flood of indiscriminant delightful grace flowing like a river from the compassionate heart of our Lord even upon common folks like me. It is a sweet and joyous river in which we bathe daily fraught only from time to time with a few rough waves of public ignorance or personal trivial trials that all ultimately prove only to keen our edge with a more determined blade. One with which we can cut the knot and more precisely clear away the ropes of material bondage and false ego from our own hearts.

It is ever sweet to receive and to share this rushing river of undeserved blessing that ultimately carries us closer and closer to the Lotus feet of the Divine Couple despite our unworthiness. For me it is all a mystic spiritual voyage floating on this river. To share the blessings with others who may need them now even more than myself is the greatest pleasure and refreshment found in these waters. As we know this love multiplies in its being shared.

The following is an exerpt from the last page of my book "Prabhupada Guide Dreams..." written several years ago. The title to this exerpt here below expresses my direction now. With nothing but love for the Vaisnavas, brothers and sisters, I wish you all the best. May you find peace and happiness in all that you do.

Last look back
as we gracefully walk away

On the way to my cottage home this morning, along the miles of gravel roads, through a mixture of mist and dust, I saw a deer. As they usually do, she leaped and ran a very short distance into the woods, then stopped motionless to turn and look back at me. The surrounding forests have been, for centuries now, hunting territory for armed men who take great delight in gunning down such innocent prey. Nevertheless, these delicate creatures by nature when accosted, stop momentarily to look back as human beings come upon them. We locked eyes, she checked my intentions, taking note of the danger level to her and the hiding spotted fawns beside her, then with a little more dance in her steps, turned to gracefully walk away. The fawns began their play again.

Undoubtedly stopping still, within range of fire, to lock eyes with any possible hunter makes one an easy target, but we risk it anyway, for the eyes are windows to the soul. We look out through them and we look in to them. I am looking into your eyes here brothers and sisters. You can acknowledge our kinship and common Home or you can try to make me your innocent prey. Still I stand motionless looking back and locking eyes with you for these moments. I am not afraid. I am praying. We are all in the loving hands of the Almighty.

(Prabhupada Guide Dreams to Rock My Soul - last words)

"May there be good fortune throughout the universe, and may all envious persons be pacified. May all living entities become calm by practicing bhakti yoga, for by accepting devotional service they will think of each other's welfare. Therefore let us all engage in the service of the supreme transcendence, Lord Sri Krsna, and always remain absorbed in thought of Him." (Srimad-Bhagavatam 5.18.9 Prahlada Maharaja)

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