Chakra Discussions

I married a gay devotee

by Iccha dhari d.d.

Posted December 22, 2004

I would like to thank HH Hridayananda Maharaja for his objective, human and caring view on gay devotees in our movement. But what will happen next? I can imagine that many of his godbrothers do not agree with it and will criticise him for making such comments. How unfortunate. I am just patiently waiting for the time when we start to care for each other on the human level and when this policy about gay devotees will be clear once and for all -- they have the right to be in the same relationships as heterosexual devotees. They have the same need for affection, love, care and partnership.

I was married to a gay devotee 3 years ago. I didn't have a clue about his sexual orientation. Recently we separated. It was very painful and emotionally exhausting for both of us, and the most painful thing about it was that his guru and some of his godbrothers knew about his sexual orientation and didn't tell me anything. I felt very cheated. Somehow, our society is forcing those devotees to act against their nature and thus hurting others as well. It is not fair.

Now I see it as Krsna's arrangement, because the whole situation helped me to understand gays and to realize that they are the same spirit souls as all others with the same needs in life.

If some devotee feels he doesn't want to follow celibacy anymore, he is suggested to get married -- quite natural -- but, from gays, everybody is expecting that they either marry a member of the opposite sex or stay celibate. That is quite unfair, don't you think?