Bhakti Tirtha Swami schedules amputation
Posted December 16, 2004
Sending updates is rather difficult, because there is always some good news, some surprises, and seemingly bad news. My situation changes from day to day.
Before leaving Hawaii, I was admitted again into the hospital for six days, having to undergo blood transfusions and a host of tests. Upon returning to Dasaratha's house I took a few steps on my crutches and immediately collapsed. My body is extremely weak.
While lying in bed that night I was thinking I was experiencing so much discomfort and suffering that I preferred to leave the body, but only if it could also be Srila Prabhupada's desire. After many sleepless nights due to the discomfort, it seemed like it could be so refreshing just to move on. However, I think most of you are praying, as I am, for whatever is best to take place.
The tumor in the foot has grown much bigger and the cancer is getting worse, although the cancer in the other parts of the body are seemingly gone. We are still waiting for he results of one biopsy to see if there is cancer in the lymph nodes in the groin area. The mass of tumor and concentration of melanoma is most significant in the case of the foot.
I am now in the process of scheduling amputation of the foot and part of the leg, also possibly dissection of the lymph nodes. According to the doctors, this is a much more difficult operation than the amputation of the foot. In the next correspondence I will inform you about the day and time of the operation.
Once again I see all that I am going through is due to:
- My desire to understand and assist others with their many different kind of sufferings.
- My own karma, and my intense journey of purification which is perhaps rough due to my stubbornness and contamination.
I requested 100 percent purity and nothing else, but when you are far from the mark a lot of things has to be put in place to fully alter consciousness.
As most of you know Srila Prabhupada himself once embraced me with tears in his eyes and told me, "Your life is successful." Knowing that Srila Prabhupada does reveal one's original svarupa, I naturally thought perhaps I am not so far from dropping my remaining anarthas, i.e. attachments and false ego. These challenges and tests I must now undergo are for purification to transcendence.
Will I stay in the body, or will I leave? Only Srila prabhupada knows for sure.
Please try in your own lives to keep surrendering, otherwise if you are stubborn like me, you may also receive some tough love. The beauty is that we want Krsna to speed up all our abilities to become selfless, unmotivated, unconditional servants.
Additionally auspicious is knowing that at the end of the road there is even more opportunity to serve Srila Prabhupada's mission in connection with other dimensions. Again I close with my mantra: "I am blessed by the best, and I am praying to Srila Prabhupada and Krsna to pass all the tests."
I think this is a special time that Srila Prabhupada is looking out to
give additional blessings and empowerment to those who are ready. Be
greedy, don't miss out. Yes, there are some unusual statements in this
letter, I continue to be persistent in being unorthodox (smile) for many