Posted July 30, 2006
Illumination Television brings you another “Memories of Srila Prabhupada” DVD Part 46 featuring Satsvarupa das Goswami. Upon the urging of Giriraj Swami, Satsvarupa das Goswami sat down and recollected his early days with Srila Prabhupada. There are many life lessons to be learned from this DVD and we urge all devotees to make this a part of their video collection. Below is one story from the DVD:
Satsvarupa das Goswami: I had a thing that I wanted to get special attention and I wouldn’t go forward unless I was given it. So I knew that Prabhupada had Sunday morning feasts and I also knew that he had morning classes as well as Monday, Wednesday and Friday classes in the evening. But I didn’t attend the morning classes or the Sunday feasts because nobody invited me. But then one day after the lecture I was sitting on the curb outside and he got somebody to bring me in and he said, “Do you know we have Sunday feasts?” He said, “Would you like to come to the Sunday feasts?” I said, “Yes”. He said, “You can come, you’re invited.” So I started going to the feasts and then some of the others guys told me that I could go to the morning classes too. I was very slow unless I was invited. Then I had an exchange with Prabhupada because I did not go to the first initiation (to take initiation), because nobody invited me. So the first initiation was on Janmastami and I stayed home. But I was typing for him, so the day after Janmastami I showed up at his door with some typing and he said, “Oh, you did not come to the initiations yesterday.” And I said, “No”. I gave him the typing and he gave me some grapes. Then there was an exchange going on over the telephone for a marriage that he was going to arrange between Mukunda and Janaki. And he hung up the phone and he said, “You are invited to come to this marriage. You can come.” I said, “Thank you”, and I went to the marriage. I was sorry that I hadn’t gotten initiated. So I asked him on another occasion, could I get initiated? He said, “Well you have to be a strict vegetarian.” I said I already was. So he said, “Yes, then you can be initiated.” Going back to when I brought those papers he saw this reluctance on my part not to get initiated, not to go to the morning class, not to go to the feast unless I got invited. It was like a defect on my part. Then he said these important words to me, “I will love you, if you will love me.” That was a big revelation in my life. It was exposing that I wasn’t loving him but I was expecting him to always be loving me. I thought, “Why am I holding back my love for him? Something I disliked about his face or his way of talking?” I’m not loving him but I’m expecting him to pour all this love on me, so I just looked at all the ugliness inside myself of why I might not be loving the Swami and I decided I should just kick it out and I should love him and he said “If you do that, then I’ll love you. It’s a two way street.” So that was a big barrier he exposed that that would be a good life lesson in any relationship, certainly with the spiritual master or any spiritual relationship, a husband, wife or anything. You have to love deeply the other person in order to be loved. That really broke a lot of ice. From then on, I didn’t have to be so much invited to things. I stepped forward more.
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